dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
