final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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