i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
