If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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