Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
