He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
