Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
