"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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