Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize