69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
