why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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