were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
