Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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