worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
