Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
