wakey wakey hands off snakey
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
please come you make the beer taste better
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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