Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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