i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
