she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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