my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
