it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
