playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
