we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
