we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
be right there i have to get my cape
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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