if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
well you can't waste a boner
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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