dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
