I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
