Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
