you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
