Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
