I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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