It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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