Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
