well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Houston, we have a squirter
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
