Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
