Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Pooping to opera.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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