Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The adults are the big ones right?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
