Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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