Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he was CRYING into my vagina
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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