I cockslap morals
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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