New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
