We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This baby is an asshole
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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