i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
