pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
