I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
