girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
