just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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