It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
