if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
