Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
