I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
