I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im six kinds of drunk right now
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
