you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
